by Simone on December 11, 2011

My dear friend is a fellow Hair Stylist. When we are out together, she raises her brow and gives the hairy eyeball while nodding in the direction of an unsuspecting soul sporting B.C.H. (birth control hair) we use the term CARPET as code word to discreetly alert one another of an offender in our midst. Dear friend is mostly concerned with the texture of the offender’s hairs – I fixate on the creativity of the “style”, which often looks like 2 varmints  fornicating. Sometimes we laugh to ourselves, sometimes we are struck dumb and can only look, sometimes there is an utterance of “dear me, that one could really use a treatment”. This is as positive as any beauty professional could be, and we do try to shine the light of loveliness in every dark corner. Now, I have almost 15 more years of experience than D.F. and I know damned well, that a treatment won’t make a lick of difference. If there is some big-time “carpet” ahead we’ve been known to smile and exclaim loudly  “CARPETERIA!”

I lie awake at night wondering who makes these hair don’t’s? The Republicans? Planned parenthood? Squirrels? Did the hair do look so inviting that they decided to stop storing nuts, jump aboard and get busy?









Don’t think for a second that B.C.H implies women only, oh no my friend, this applies to both genders. The cross hairs can be focused on the brave men of our country as well. Some sport mullets, comb overs, scraggly beards, nose hair, ear hair, wild leprechauneous eye brows and sometimes even masses of body hair escaping from cuffs, collars, pant legs, and sandals.  Lord help the hairy back and the women who love them.

Back in the day, I dated a gentleman so hairy I mistook his bare leg for my Siamese cat.

When I lived in Japan, I would frequently encounter men with shaved off widow’s peaks. That is a look not easily forgotten.  Imagine, struggling to communicate with a Japanese man, his skin is quite fair and his hair is almost black, there is a 2 o clock shadow at his hair line where a triangular widow’s peak once proudly existed. Where do you focus your gaze? You want to be polite, but it’ right there above the eyes, it’s dancing, it’s smiling, it’s calling out,” look here, I know you are trying not to, but please, please look here, see what has become of me, no one will catch you looking, you can’t just ignore my non-existence”. – how could you possibly avoid it?

My friend has expressed great concern for women in public, holding hands with a man who has a skinny strand of hair plastered to his head that starts at one ear and ends at the other. It’s obvious (at least to the sisterhood) that the woman has given up. She stopped dropping delicate hints, stopped hoping for freedom. She lives daily in quiet desperation faced with a hair crime that threatens to suck the breath out of her lungs. My friend said it makes her want to throw these guys down on the ground and cuff them right on the spot. That can be quite the caloric expenditure, not to mention hard on the nails.

After explaining the ‘carpet’ code word to a client she wondered aloud if Rush Limbaugh could use a treatment.
She commented “If you really think about it, men are 50% of the human race. It’s too bad they don’t  do more with their hair”. Women do so much to attract them and they don’t notice anything except the ¼ inch trim and that is always ‘too short”. I was given a button that says “If love is blind, why spend so much money on clothes and hair? I’ll tell you why. Because for those of us who are not in love with you we mostly see the squirrel’s styling job on your head.

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First impressions count.  Even the squirrel knows that when all the nuts are stored, the squirrel with the best hair wins. Oh yes, it always comes back to the follicle.


Do you have a story about doing hair or having your hair done? 
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project. Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.


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