Hair Crimes and Misdemeanors

I know it’s been awhile since my last blog. I fell into a bit of a K-Hole and feel the need to explain:

It’s rather shocking ,even to me, but within a very short time the subscribership had grown to a point that it became necessary  to switch blog hosts (cuz i’ve got some groovy ideas on tap) and grow up. ‘Sooner rather than later’ has always been my credo (along with ‘giterdone’ for that matter and ‘ ‘cross it off the list!’) – I am quite delighted about this phenomenon and wanted to avoid the ‘double-do’ in the future. So………. Simone got a respite ——–and it’s now far easier to subscribe and you can rest assured that when you force your F&F to do the same, they will thank you later.

But now, step aside. I am back on duty and ready to serve.

Let me get right down to it: There is some bad hair out there and there is some really bad hair out there.  During my brief  sabbatical I’ve had a chance to cross a few burning items off the list:

1. Learn to augment frozen food entries,

2. Graduate my French Bulldogs from the Canine Good Citizen class

The French Brigade in uniform

and, 3. Schedule that long overdue ride-along in a real live Patrol car.

I had time to contemplate life, smell the roses, be-here-now and see some really really scary hair. Though it may seem random, I began to feel in my gut there is a strong correlation to the beat cop and the hairdresser.

I mean, think about it -  we both wield power:
The beat cop can take you to the pokey, the hairdresser can seriously damage your sex life.

We both use special codes and handles:
The beat cop might be ’1-Adam-12 on a 10-7 B boy’. The hairdresser version might be ‘Miss Nora is making tee tee in the W.C. and once she re-applies her ‘love-those-lips’ pot o gloss, she’ll be right with you.’

We both pack weapons:
Mine is most commonly a sharp pair of shears (and a razor sharp wit) the officer carries a taser, which doncha-know with 50,000 volts will make your hair stand right on end and totally ruin that expensive up-do you just paid for.

Talk about a crime!

I’ve had clients get pulled over after leaving the Salon. This is not good for business. Some of them were just checking out their new look in the rear-view mirror and swerving a bit on the highway, others were hauling down the road like bats out of hell because they were goo-ing and go-ing and wanted to keep it on the  D.L.

I ask you brothers and sisters; Is it a crime to look fabulous????

In law enforcement there are high crimes and misdemeanors. In Beauty-World, there are hair crimes and misdemeanors.

Here’s how i view it:

In law enforcement, offenses are broken into 3 categories:

the Infraction, the Misdemeanor, and the Felony (or “high crime”)

In the beauty world there is:

‘Bad hair’, ‘really bad hair’ and ‘felonious hair’.

An infraction is like a helpful hint, as in “this is just a head’s up doll, the farrah fawcet feathered look went out in the 70’s, let’s try a flat iron!”

A Misdemeanor  requires something akin to a fix-it ticket – as in: that  flock-of-seagulls look is so 80’s, let’s try a natural bristle round brush for softness around the face, or the catch-all suggestion why don’t you try to part your hair on the other side?.

Really bad hair flat out stops you in your tracks.

Got another one

This is salon talk for YOU ARE UNDER ARREST  all up in heeyah!  Oh yes, this is a look like none other. This hair is not fit for public viewing. It’s positively, absolutely without a doubt the highest of hair crimes…… ……‘felony hair’.

As in ‘you are under arrest honey pie, for felonious hair in a public place while packing a can of foul smelling extra firm-hold aerosol hairspray (or a plastic round brush with the red or white balls on the ends of the bristles, or possibly a really gnarly comb-over)  you are being hauled off immediately to the hoosgau in cuffs (as they say in the p.d…… “hands kill’) I am saving you from yourself as well as your neighbours and your countrymen and family members who might see you on I-chat or Skype.’

You, little darlin, have just been pulled over.

You are going to beauty prison – hopefully to become a reformed beauty operator one day. Lets all make the world a safer and more beautiful place, shall we? It takes a village, does it not? Join a neighbourhood watch or a local beauty patrol. Become the go-to ‘betty’ or ‘bob’ for visual serenity on your block, We all need to fight the good fight and stay vigilant for bad hair. Until next week, be kind to the mighty but voiceless follicle.

Do you have a story about doing hair or having your hair done?
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project. Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.    Simone